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We've been close companions for more than 20 years, who has faced and conquered many obstacles, her resilience is commendable. However, she has been often taken by surprise by people. Her partner walked away, which came as a huge shock. A lot of her social circle drifted away at that point, as they were only interested in the spouse. She was stunned by her deeply. She made more effort in our friendship, probably grasped more acutely what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

In the time since, quite a few close to her have disappeared and she isn't knowing the cause. Her last employer suddenly changed toward her, although she was highly competent, she departed without knowing what had changed.

Current Dynamics

Lately, we've both left the workforce so we're spending each other more, but I am finding my role in our friendship is to listen. I start discussion points and she changes conversation onto what interests her. Regarding political views, she holds firm beliefs. I attempt to propose double-checking information and alternate views.

She is organizing a trip to a country I have traveled to repeatedly and lived in previously. My intention was to share advice, but this was not welcomed. She really solely sought my agreement with her plans. I recently come back from 30 days in that place and she wants to reconnect, however, I hesitate.

Evaluating the Situation

I am unwilling in this role who cuts and runs without explanation, yet I doubt she can understand the effect of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. At this point, my state is avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Ways Forward

It's possible to cut and run, but it is rarely a smooth outcome we hope for. However, addressing it with a view to working things out requires bravery and openness from both people.

Therapists recommend applying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Initially is to state the usual pattern when you talk. It should be as factual as possible like what a recording device would replay. Step two involves sharing how this leaves you feeling. This allows for no argument here. Your feelings belong to you, after all. The third step is to ask ways you together can shift the dynamics in your relationship."

Remember she too has her own side, thus requiring you to stay open to hear that. A helpful technique involves stating her:

"Now you talk and I'm going to not say anything for 30 minutes."

This can be impactful in fostering understanding.

Closing Considerations

Your friend might reject everything, for those who hold onto a self-protecting mindset: they rely on a narrative of their life they won't abandon because their very survival is tied to it being the only thing they've known. This poses a challenge when there seems no easy route with these people, only cul-de-sacs. But she may initially present this way then consider your perspective. If a resolution isn't found an agreement, it provides peace knowing you were truthful.