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The current period signifies a full decade since the phrase “disappearing” hit the mainstream. Initially, the concept that someone could abruptly cease communication with a partner without explanation seemed like the peak of indignity. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, seeking a mate has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes pointless endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly defined by online jargon.

Zoomers, a demographic who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a concerted assault on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex landscape than their millennial forerunners could ever envision. And so their dating lexicon has grown longer and more bizarre, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive guide to the terms gen Z is using to discuss romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the recent most popular online sayings, by the end of this glossary you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Authenticity – For Zoomers, dating’s gold standard is showing up as your real, raw self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A social media test connected to a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your date's response is engaged or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while oozing mystery and independence. (She might still have baby bangs.)

C

Seat theory – This means going for someone who aids you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A outing where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do budget-friendly romance in a inflation-era world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or split, venting all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a marker of 80s yuppie affluence, it describes pairs who forgo having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of acting aloof: practicing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Warning signs – Personal habits suggesting a prospective partner is trouble. For instance calling their former partners unstable, poor tipping habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Green flags – These quirks confirm your choice to pursue a mate. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, largely benign idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who despises the same stuff or people that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, intentionally delaying orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An archetype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and frequently trivial repulsions that immediately kill any sense of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an incredibly thoughtful display.

J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z want fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance realistic.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {